Michigan

The sand beneath my feet

Waves burying my toes as they ebb and flow

Colorful towels scattered about the sparkly sand

The seagulls flying close overhead to get any available scraps

The smooth boat ride

Much needed relaxation

A getaway from everyday life

And the nonstop hectic-ness of things

Laughing and acting stupid

Swimming and playing ultimate

These are the moments I live for

With the people that mean the world to me

MY BEST FRIENDS

Stress free

Care free

Worry free

Drama free

Mom free

Can I just stay up here forever?

trust. mistrust.

i've never done anything bad.

well i've lied. and stole.

but not things of huge importance.

never committed a crime.

i've never drank a drop of alcohol.

can't ever anyways.

never smoked. that's just gross.

drugs are stupid. they use up all your money.

i'm not going to have sex before marriage.

i made a vow and i'm not going to break it.

so why is it so hard for you to trust me? i've never done anything to make you unwilling to let me be. why can't you let go? i am 18. i am my own person. i'm not going to make the same mistakes that you did. i'm not YOU.

don't you get it? i am ME. i don't want to be you.

why can't you just let me do as i please? i am not going to do anything stupid. this is my life. i don't want to fuck it up. i want to be someone and do something great. and i will. but not with you hovering and controlling my every move.

you obviously have control issues. and i'm tired of you telling me what to do. i love you but i can't wait to get the hell out of the house.

thank god for college

day

Happy Father's Day?

Nope.

Happy Same As Any Other Day?

Bingo...

walk

what lies ahead? i hate the unknown. i hate walking with this blindfold on. i am not entirely sure if i trust the person leading me. i know i should. but i can barely feel his grasp on my hand. i can't hear their voice telling me where to go. i am walking blindly. trying to make sense of where i am.
everything is muffled. whoever is leading me knows who i am. i can tell by their touch. but i feel like i don't know them. the familiarity is not reciprocal. or if i do know them, i don't know them well enough.
we go over mountains. we go through valleys. i can tell by the way i struggle and am worked to exhaustion. whoever he is i am forced to trust him. since i cannot see. it has been so long that i have been led blindly by him.
trust is required when you can't see. i wonder if i were leading them, if they would trust me...

Who are you again? And where are you taking me?

silence

just another day. another boring routine. no day is different than the next. the body responds in a mechanical way. body moves, brain not attached. mind becomes hyperactive. too much time to think. preoccupation of the mind is vital. mind starts analyzing every part of your life. uncovering weaknesses. discovering doubts. many questions. not enough answers.

the music helps. drown out the constant loop of questions playing in your mind. like a cd put on repeat. but the music helps the mind discover emotions. emotions it did not find in the silence. the music is a help. but it is also a hinderance.

there is no way to avoid thinking. you either choose the silence or the music. do you want constant chatter or the emotions of the music? either way you are forced to think about things you don't like to or want to. how can you break this when everyday is the same? will the routine ever be broken? will the mind ever stop the questions?

let's hope so.

Missing Person

i never had one
well technically i do
but being nonexistent my whole life
you don't count

i've never met you
i don't know if i want to
the fear of disappointment and rejection
looms over my head

i guess i understand
why you have never contacted me
it would probably be awkward
between the two of us

but i still have that longing
for that embrace of protection
that you would give me
if you were here

maybe someday i'll go
and find out where you are
and knock on your door
nervous as can be

and when you open it
i'll look at you and say
hi. i'm abby. your daaughter
you son of a bitch, you left me.

18 years and counting
i haven't been able to say
with a card or my voice
Happy Father's Day... Dad.

Positive Attitude

Call me Debbie Downer.

i've noticed lately that i rarely have a smile on my face. no light behind my eyes. i always have just a blank stare and i am somber. i wonder if anyone else has noticed.

i need to regain my positivity.

Call me Positive Penny.

the world

slow and steady wins the race

that is what we are taught

the tortoise and the hare lied to us

fast and deceiving are who really win

the world says lie to get by

i say the truth

is by what i will abide

take that world

beat the system

swim against the current

be. who. you. are.

not what the world tells you to be

Judge Free?

if a judge free zone
is what you want
maybe you shouldn't judge others
when they aren't around

making fun of people
you do it all the time
you think you're so funny
but those are my friends

you wonder why
people think you're a bitch
but if you look at what
you have left behind
it's plain to see
that you are not ever in
the "judge free" zone

exhaustion

Early mornings
Late nights
Memories that will last
My whole life

Torn between fun
And much needed sleep

I don't want to give in
And be defeated

The war is raging
More powerful still
I don't know who will win

Guess i'll just have to wait and see

i believe

i believe that what is in store for me will be great.
i believe that people's true colors always shine through in the end.
i believe that it is easier to forgive and forget than hold a grudge.
i believe that everything happens for a reason, whether we like that reason or not.
i believe that GOD is my true father and nobody can ever make me say otherwise.
i believe that we should be in the world not of the world.
i believe that you can choose your destination and you can be whatever you want to be.

i believe that our generation can change the world.
all it takes is one person brave enough to take the first step and make the first mark.